


A Matter of Timing

by Settledvagabond



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 10:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4133691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settledvagabond/pseuds/Settledvagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was never a matter of "if" - it was only a matter of when.</p><p>Set just after "that dinner", so spoilers for season 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Matter of Timing

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of LA Pride, I am uploading this fic - You're welcome and I'm sorry/not sorry.
> 
> Joan Ferguson and Vera Bennett, you ruined me.

  


Joan was lost to the world, face placid and hooded eyes vaguely focused somewhere unreachable.  Her fingers, slightly curled into her palms like dying spiders, twitched slightly where they hung in the air as if she were just paused mid-statement.  She looked oddly like someone had switched her off, powered her down.  In reality, all of her energy was focused solely in her mind, the blood traveling from all lengths of her body to focus on the single memory  _click click click_  replaying in its entirety behind her clouded, lifeless gaze. 

 _What have I done._ She played it over and over again in her head, her face a mask as the broken computer program desperately repeated itself, each time trying to clear out, erase a bit more of the emotion in the scene, yet each time she rewound it and hit play, all of the feeling was there again, even redoubled and worse for all her efforts, a hydra growing back three heads for every one she sacrificed.  Mortification coursed through her like an electrical pulse; she hardly felt the tears pouring down her face, her skin was so numb.  But she couldn't stop.  It was as if she needed to punish herself into never doing anything so foolish ever again, to erase any modicum of hope left in her.  The clean, precise part of her kept at it, while she sat and wept like a child who had made an inexcusable and terrible mistake, taking the beating in terrifying silence. _You stupid thing.  You stupid, worthless thing._ The blows came smoothly, almost rhythmically - eventually,  raw and open, she just didn't want to feel anything, not even the faint yearning and butterflies she'd had just before her hopes were dashed.  If she didn't feel at all, at least she wouldn't feel  _this._ _This_ being the atrocious agony of having her heart burn and twist in on itself like metal screaming in the fire as it contorted, the horrible mess of human vomit she felt like the instant she truly digested the look of utter  _hatred_ on Vera's face. _What an idiot you are, Joan.  What a *fool*.  Worse than.  How could you think... how could you *ever* think...?_ It took three rings of the doorbell to penetrate Joan's thoughts. The first simply sounded far away, warped by the distance into something  _not_ doorbell-like.  The second cracked the glass between her and reality, and the third evaporated the damned thing.She came to with a start, blinking at everything with a sort of angry frown as though she was very offended that the world had the audacity to still be there when she broke from her thoughts.  But the doorbell rang again, hastily, impatiently, and sudden a small but insistent voice broke all hold her memory had on her."Gove- Joan, I know you're in there, now open up." _Vera._ Come back to finish the job? Perhaps she had finally realized what Joan was truly getting at last night, and she had come back to properly humiliate her and leave her incapable of ever pursuing anyone again.  Tell her how repulsive she was, how undesirable and wretched...  Joan rose quickly, fluidly, a sort of cold joy pressing a serene smile into her lips.  Perhaps she would die today, truly die inside like everyone had always accused her of anyway. It was almost a kindness of Vera, Joan thought, to not leave her prey wounded, not let it suffer needlessly.  She was even looking forward to the end with a perverse sense of relief.  When she opened the door, she felt calm, prepared. Her eyes searched and locked onto Vera's and she almost smiled, though it never really reached her eyes and left her looking slightly delirious.  Which was not too far from the truth.

"Vera," she said blissfully, insanely, almost reverently. She was lost, really.  So deep into drowning that everything was just lovely, so lovely...  Maybe she was imagining all of this.  Maybe Vera wasn't even here, she mused.  Perhaps she had drowned herself last night, in her bathtub with the rest of the wine Vera had brought.  The look on maybe-not-Vera's face was very odd.  She seemed annoyed at her.  Was Vera angry to find her still capable of standing after last night?Possibly-Vera waited impatiently, looking for all the world like she expected Joan to say something, as if it were all very obvious, but eventually shrugged as if giving up and pushed past Joan into the apartment.  Joan's mouth opened to pose a question, but as she had no idea what she would even ask, promptly shut it again.  Joan shut the door carefully and quietly behind her.She watched Vera halt halfway into the apartment, looking suddenly unsure of where to go.  After a lengthy time with her back against the closed door, watching Vera stand indecisively in the middle of the room, Joan finally got up the sad courage to ask (in a voice so small it startled Vera and crushed Joan utterly):"Vera, what are you doing here?"Vera blinked rapidly, and Joan swallowed at how gorgeous her eyes were when she was startled.  So damned blue and wide in shock, like an innocent animal. No.  No, she was the killer here.  For all her naiveté,  _she_  was the one adept at the hunt, Joan reminded herself.  All of that innocence - had Vera pulled this on Fletch, too?  Was Joan getting so rusty that she couldn't recognize a fellow pro when she saw one?  Vera's eyes mercifully left Joan's as she thought for a moment, crossing her arms and biting her bottom lip - and every dark thought Joan could think of against Vera vanished.  Oh god, how Joan had missed this. It had been less than a day and already she ached for every familiar thing Vera did, from the way she restlessly bounced her leg as she thought to the way she bit that damned full lower lip...It slowly dawned on Joan that the arousal in her body meant Vera was, in fact, really there, and that this moment was quite real.  And unfortunately none of her distaste for Joan had made Joan want Vera any less.  In fact, like a sad and shamed dog, pathetic in its inability to control its erection, she felt her body ache at the thought of brushing her fingers over Vera's swollen bottom lip, caressing the skin gently, and leaning in, their breath intermingling...Joan blinked, trying not to breathe, and bit viciously into her own bottom lip to keep herself off the ledge, to wake herself up.  She watched Vera helplessly, tears returning unbidden, the ache of a loss of something she never even had sickening her. _Just get on with it already,_  she thought, trembling.   _Just put me out of my misery._ "I don't quite know where to start," Vera began, "but I do know that when I went home last night... I immediately regretted it.""Regretted what?" The question so popped out of Joan that it surprised her.  Vera looked at her with confusion, like she never imagined Joan wouldn't know what she was referring to."Why... why turning you down, of course," she said, as though that were obvious.  Her terrible doe eyes blinked at Joan.  Were there... were there tears there?Vera took a long, quick stride toward Joan, but slowed at the terrified look on Joan's face.  She paused, hesitant, then proceeded more cautiously."Don't... don't tell me your feelings have changed in one night?" Another step, another inch.  Another breath Joan choked on. _Please don't,_ Joan begged whatever God might be listening, if any would hear her at all _._  


  
_Please don't do this to me._

Vera was finally standing right in front of her, and bit that  _goddam lip again_ and truly began to cry in earnest, sending tears spilling down Joan's cheeks in response - it literally hurt her to see Vera in pain.  Those blue pale eyes overflowed and Vera's breathing became sporadic, like a confused child experiencing a pain she could not place.  She tentatively reached out and pinched the edges of Joan's open cardigan between her fingertips.  Joan nearly fainted at the rush of the contact as Vera flattened her hands, slid them uncertainly up Joan's chest, and rested them on her shoulders.  Her small hands massaged Joan's shoulders uncertainly.  There was almost no space between them already, but Vera didn't quite close the gap, still searching Joan's face for any sign, any hope."Please.  Please don't do this," Vera begged with tremulous despair in her voice, echoing Joan's thoughts.  "Don't close up, don't shut me out. Please."  Her fingers lifted to push Joan's hair behind her left ear. She literally stood on her tiptoes, fear in her voice and on her face. "Please," she repeated, and brushed the hair back behind the other ear.  Joan lowered her head and wrestled unsuccessfully with the sob that tried to free itself at the touch and the sheer intimacy of the gesture.  She couldn't even bring herself to stop Vera, she just stood stock-still and afraid."Vera, what are you doing?" She choked out, the tears coming hard and fast.  She felt absolutely naked and idiotic and so utterly out of her depth that if Vera didn't save her now she truly, truly might drown."Oh, oh, shhh... shhh," Vera cooed, looking pain-stricken at the suffering she was causing, reaching to hold Joan's face in her hands, which only served to make Joan nearly ill with fear and cry harder."Please, puh... please don't," Joan stuttered, "Don't hurt me.  Please don't hurt me anymore, I... I don't think I deserve it."Vera looked so startled at those words that it genuinely gave Joan pause."Hurt... hurt you?" Vera repeated, her brow furrowed heart-breakingly.  "Oh. Oh Joan. You have no idea, I... I didn't know it would... that I..."Her stammering, which Joan would otherwise find absolutely endearing, was maddening in this moment.  Finally, gathering all of her courage, Joan took Vera's hands, enveloping them firmly in hers, looking her unwaveringly in the eyes."What do you  _want,_ Vera?"Vera looked at her again in confusion, making Joan want to positively shake her.   _Tell me, just tell me!_ Vera's eyes flitted from Joan's fragile gaze to her lips and back again.  The air seemed to suddenly changed texture and Joan watched Vera with open bewilderment.  Vera wet her lips and swallowed, registering the closeness of their bodies for the first time."Yuh...you," she said, and swallowed again.  "I want _you_ , Joan."Uncertain of what that meant, unsure she had even really heard it, Joan relaxed her grip and Vera fell, very gently, fully against Joan's chest.  She spread her fingers out where they landed on Joan' breasts and slid her hands up to encircle Joan's neck with her arms.  Joan gasped immensely at the contact, then stopped breathing entirely as Vera looked into her eyes, then at Joan's lips, and then her eyes again. And just as Vera lifted face so that her lips were nearly touching Joan's, Vera whispered something, so softly that Joan almost doubted what she had heard."I love you too, Joan."And with that she pressed her lips to Joan's gently.  Joan's eyes widened in shock and amazement - then fluttered closed as her hands moved clumsily yet gently to Vera's back, holding Vera delicately, as though she might break her.  Joan felt a thousand warm petals were falling inside of her, as Vera serenely held her lips to Joan's, never breaking the kiss as she turned her head slightly, still floating on the tips of her toes.  Joan felt like she was holding a tiny ballerina, or a porcelain doll.After what seemed like ages (it was hard to tell or care just how long, as Joan would have been hard-pressed to find reason to complain even if lasted forever) Vera blinked her eyes open and smiled such that Joan could hardly believe the reason was herself."I'm sorry I didn't just do that last night, " Vera said, in a breathy voice that Joan had never, ever heard from her before and which did positively cruel things to her body. 

 

"Is that so?" Joan replied in disbelief.  Vera giggled, the shadows fading from her face, the storm clouds clearing in her eyes.

"It... is so," Vera responded with a loaded smile, as she curled into Joan's arms - which, Joan was pleasantly surprised to find, naturally and easily slid tighter around Vera.  They fit like a... well, a glove, she found herself thinking.  Vera was warmth and honey in a world of damp and cold.  They stood like that for a long moment, Joan sure Vera could feel and hear her heart hammering at her chest.Vera was first to break the stillness and the silence, shifting impossibly closer in Joan's embrace, her fingers finding their way to the small of Joan's back, and then, hesitantly and shyly, her fingertips dipped underneath the cotton shirt to rub electrifying circles against Joan's bare skin, eliciting a most satisfying little noise from Joan's throat.  Vera smiled, her face hidden in Joan's chest.  She continued her gentle ministrations as she spoke."There's some other things I... wish I had done last night," Vera said, the warmth of her breath penetrating the meager cotton of Joan's shirt.  There was a caution to her voice, but it was leading.  With no obvious response from Joan, Vera tilted her head up, chin on Joan's chest.  Her eyes spoke volumes more than her words.  Joan knew no response but to swallow and say,"Oh?"And feel fantastically stupid.Vera fought a smirk, enjoying the effect she was having.She had been right to come back.  She had been afraid, doubted, even been repulsed until she really let herself consider what had actually happened, underneath the anger and the fear.  She would have come back sooner, but it all came tumbling together at three in the morning, and she'd had to wait until what she thought would be a sensible hour.  Joan looked at her with such a mix of terror and hope, Vera felt drunk with the power of it.  She felt horrible - she would not abuse that power again, she silently promised.  Joan deserved better.  They both did.Vera leaned in to kiss Joan again - Joan smiled nervously as she did so - and this time with a very different intention that Joan could feel through the kiss.  But Vera was slow, cautious.  She built into it slowly, kissing Joan once, quite chastely, and pulling back.  Then a second kiss, more firmly this time, her eyelashes dusting Joan's cheeks as Joan inhaled sharply.  Then a third time, and a forth, each bolder than the last, all the while pushing Joan backwards, towards the couch.  Joan stumbled slightly as they went, and Vera took the opportunity to pull back and observe Joan - wild-eyed and flush with arousal.  Joan blinked self-consciously, feeling foolish and exposed.  Vera couldn't help but laugh at the expression - it was like looking in a mirror."What are you laughing at?" Joan asked sheepishly, trying for anger but mostly landing somewhere in childish offense.Vera took a truly bold, hard, predatory stride toward Joan, landing with one of her legs right between Joan's.  She looked Joan dead in the eyes, grabbed her hips, and, pulling herself upwards as sensually as she could manage, she said,"Laughing at how stupid I was to not notice how beautiful you are."A chorus of emotions played on Joan's features - surprise, shyness, embarrassment, delight.  She bit her lip to keep from smiling, or looking away from the pint-sized predator currently eyeing her up like a snack she just might... eat.Joan swallowed audibly.Slowly, hesitantly, Joan lowered her face to Vera's - she had yet to initiate a kiss in the entire interaction and was starting to feel a bit like an inexperienced school girl.  This was not, she decided, how she wanted their first interaction to be, wherever it was going.  She dared not hope too much, but she would be damned if she would let Vera think she didn't want this.A smile burst across Vera's face and she patiently, almost teasingly stayed absolutely still, making no move to come closer.  She was going to let Joan come to her.Joan kept her eyes open 'til the very last second - then shut them and breathed such a sigh when their lips met that Vera almost cried.Who  _was_ this shy, nervous, darling girl Joan had been hiding under her uniform?  It was as if there were two entirely different people in the room right now than were normally going around calling themselves Joan and Vera. _Well, time to change that, then,_ thought Vera.  She knew Joan was still in there.  She just had to... wake her up.Vera abruptly broke off the kiss and shoved Joan with as much force as she could, almost too hard, she thought, but the look of shock on Joan's face, the slight indignation and sense of...  _challenge..._ that was worth the gamble.Joan blinked rapidly, looking quite confused, and took a moment to compose herself.  She laughed, brushing a hand through her thick hair, and suddenly something clicked in her head - and the hungry look that suddenly changed her eyes and arched a single brow sent chills down Vera's spine.  If there had been any doubt up until that moment that Vera wanted her, like she had never wanted anyone else, that look utterly torched it.  She smiled in that dangerous way Vera knew so well, and in two quick, powerful, thrilling and terrifying strides, Joan overtook Vera like a predator descends on its prey, pushing her back until Vera smacked into the wall next to the stairs.

 

Vera gasped as she hit the wall, and Joan gave her not so much as time to breathe in again before her lips overcame her.  This time when their lips met it was crushing, deep, languid - Joan's tongue lapped Vera's mouth so suddenly and deeply Vera moaned and momentarily lost all sense of her body.  Joan kissed her with such force that all Vera could do was weakly moan into Joan's mouth, her hands resting on Joan's forearms as Joan kissed her with a depth of passion Vera had never guessed at, certainly never dared to hope would be hers to receive - from _anyone_ , let alone _Joan Ferguson_.  Joan kissed her hard, penetratingly - all the while  _reeling_  inside.  This was real, this was happening.  Her hands gripped Vera's hips, almost more to hold herself  _back_  than to hold Vera still.  She felt she might consume Vera utterly, and visions of leaving Vera damp, used, and naked across her bed made Joan feel as if she might climax right there, at the bottom of the stairs, fucking Vera's mouth with her tongue.

_Pace yourself,_ she thought, opening her eyes to watch Vera, eyes shut tightly, looking in exquisite agony, and Joan sighed at the sight.   _Oh, you don't yet know agony.  But you will, my darling Vera.  You will._ As their kisses slowed, became deeper and more sensual, Vera found herself sucking on Joan's bottom lip, licking it, sucking it again, attending to it as though it were the most delicious thing she had ever known.  Joan gently but forcefully pushed her back and  _up_ the wall,  almost dragging her, and pulled Vera's legs around her with aching slowness.  They were eye level, breathing deeper, longer, and Joan noted the hitch in Vera's throat when Joan rolled her hips between Vera's thighs.  Vera's eyes darkened with arousal and Joan moaned low when Vera started to slowly, firmly rock against her.  Joan kissed her, once, twice, watching Vera as she began to rock against her in earnest.  Joan held her there, matching Vera's rhythm, controlling the pace.  She panted, beginning to sweat with the effort - the moment she attempted to remove her cardigan, Vera ripped it impatiently off of her with shocking force, then pulled Joan closer, mewling, moaning, and kissing her greedily as she rolled her hips wantonly against her. "Take me," Vera said between increasingly helpless swallows of air.  "Take me upstairs, Joan."She needed no second request - Joan immediately secured Vera's legs about her waist and proceeded to carry her up the stairs without so much as a thought.  She gave no indication that Vera's weight made any difference at all, and in fact continued to kiss and caress her as if they were still firmly against the wall.  She gazed up at Vera as though she were everything in the entire world, her life raft in an ocean of infinite black space.As she looked at Vera searchingly, almost dreamily, Vera took Joan's face in her hands.  As they took the stairs, Vera kissed her gently - her cheeks, her forehead, her nose - almost apologetically, saying "I love you, I'm sorry" with each kiss."It's alright, Vera, it's alright," Joan assured, feeling her sense of control returning to her.  She had her deputy, she had her Vera - all was right with the world.  She caressed Vera's back gently as they went, then held her up with one hand as they reached her bedroom, using her free hand to push open the door.The door swung wide, and Vera fought the curiosity to look around, but there wasn't much to see - it was just as tastefully and mutely decorated as the rest of the house, a pristine museum to what a bedroom should be.  She kept her eyes fixed on Joan's, hands cupping Joan's jaw with almost excruciating tenderness.Joan set Vera down carefully on the bed, still looking at her as though she might vanish, or Joan might wake up at any moment.  She chewed at her bottom lip for a moment, looking uncertain."Come  _here,_ " Vera laughed, pulling Joan down and on top of her.  Joan's weight settled on her in a deeply satisfying way, and Vera moaned in pleasure at the contact of their bodies, kissing Joan slowly and lovingly.With the stuttering awkwardness of a teenager, Joan's right hand travelled up Vera's side, pushing her thin shirt up, exposing her pale skin to the cool air.  Joan swallowed uncomfortably at the even the slight show of skin, positively out of her mind with arousal and mounting need, and slid uncertainly down Vera's body, her eyes watching Vera's face the entire time.  Her hands dragged down Vera's exposed sides and as her fingers hooked into the rim of Vera's pants, Joan thrilled at the sight of Vera thrusting slightly into the air as Joan's fingertips brushed the tops of Vera's hipbones teasingly.

 

When Joan made no motion to continue, Vera looked down at her tenderly.

 

"It's alright, Joan," she said, reaching out to caress the side of Joan's face.  She smiled and titled her head as if to say "go on".

 

Joan pursed her lips and let her fingers slide to the button of Vera's pants - she undid it slowly, as if Vera would be rendered naked with that single act.  Vera watched her, patiently, as she slid the zipper down, the sound and feel of it so overwhelming that Vera could wait no longer to be touched.  

 

Vera reached for Joan, bringing her up and over her on all fours, and began to gather up the hem of Joan's shirt, lifting it awkwardly up her body and over her head.  Joan responded with a show of hesitance and lack of confidence better suited to someone's first sexual encounter, clumsily pulling at Vera's shirt, and unbuttoning her own pants.  Articles of clothing began to fall away, at first awkwardly, then with a liquid, flowing quality, a stream of fabric slipping off of bodies and onto the floor.  Layer by layer, between kisses and scattered breathing, they removed each other's clothes with a tentativeness and a joy that was reflected in each other's curious, roving eyes.

 

When they were each in nothing but a bra and panties, they paused, Vera stroking Joan's long, curved side gently with her whole hand, Joan brushing her fingers tenderly along the edge of Vera's face.  Her hair fell in dark curtains about Vera's head.

 

"Are you sure you want this, Vera?" Joan asked sincerely, though it was clear in her voice that rejection at this point would not only be painful, but fatal.  And it was not lost on Vera what she was really asking - she wasn't simply referring to this moment, to this encounter; she meant  _everything_.  If Vera chose this, if she chose her, she was willingly changing her life in every way imaginable, leaving Wentworth and possibly her career in corrections entirely.  

 

An affectionate but unsure look crossed Vera's features, and for a second Joan was absolutely terrified that she was about to say no, change her mind and simply get up and leave as if this had never happened.  But then Vera propped herself up on both elbows, brushing her nose against Joan's sweetly, and said,

 

"I want this."  She looked Joan dead in the eye.  "All of it.  I do."

 

She kissed Joan once, gently, but was stopped by the look in Joan's eyes.  She shook her head, laughing lightly under her breath.

 

"What?" Joan asked, her voice tinged with excitement and nerves.  "What is it?"

 

Vera opened her mouth to answer, thought better of it, and her lips flatted into a thin line as she thought.  After a beat, she laid back down and regarded Joan with disbelief.

 

"You look at me as though I'm the most precious thing in the world, yet you let the women..."

 

She trailed off, looking away to hide the tears that rose immediately at the mere thought of that terrifying and costly event.  Joan felt her heart drop into her stomach - this could end them, before they even began.  She had to make Vera see, she had to understand...

 

Joan brushed her hand up Vera's throat to cup her face carefully, but firmly.  She turned Vera's tear-streaked face to her, meeting those terrified eyes with a look of such determination and certainty that Vera was almost frightened.

 

"I did not let them do what they did because of a lack of care for you, Vera," Joan said, waiting for the words to sink in.  Vera's eyes searched hers in the silence.  She had to be certain, had to know that Vera understood.  That she fully grasped just how dear, how vital...

 

"I did it because if I had hesitated, they would have known how much I cared for you and they might have..."  She paused, looking away, the words suddenly choking her.  Furious indignation rose in her at the tears, at the thought of it.  "They might have..."

 

"Might have what?" Vera inquired weakly, eyes wide and wondering.  Though she guessed at it, she needed to hear it.  And as Joan looked into her eyes again, she knew she had to say it.  Her voice and gaze steady, she gave Vera what she deserved: the truth.

 

"If they had known how much I... I  _love_  you... then they might have killed you," she said with finality.  

 

The words hung, still vibrating in the air long after they were gone.  It was as if the whole world had gone mute for a moment, the silence hurting Vera's ears in the aftermath of such an immense statement.  Joan waited, patiently, her features set, a hard mask waiting for Vera's response.

 

Suddenly Vera began to gasp, to cry like an uncomfortable child, and she reached up to put her arms around Joan's neck - Joan took her into her arms, maneuvering Vera into her lap, and they sat that way for a long time, Vera crying into her shoulder, Joan holding her as she shook and wept, stroking her hair, whispering gently to her.

 

"Shh shh shh, it's alright Vera, it's alright.  I'm here," she said.  "They won't ever hurt you again."  She gripped her tighter at that.  "Never."

 

Vera gulped and pushed back slightly, to look Joan in the eyes.

 

"No, no it's not that," she said, wiping at her nose and sniffling.  

 

"Well what, then?" Joan asked, confusion coloring her voice.  What could possibly have Vera so upset, if not for the threat of violence upon her?

 

"It's because... well, because... oh, screw it," she spat, and looked Joan in the eyes.  "Because no one has ever looked at me the way you do - ever, Joan."  Her voice was trembling, her eyes watery with new waves of tears.  "With you, I was finally starting to feel that I was important, that I mattered.  And that... that someone could love me, someone like you," she stopped, fighting how much it hurt.  It made Joan ache just to see it, but she did not try to interrupt.  She got the feeling that Vera needed to get this out, for them to start fresh, truly, and finally clear the air of all that lay between them.

 

"And the idea that you could not care about me, that I could be so wrong... if that had been true, then they might as well... they might as well have killed me," she sighed.

 

At that Vera hiccuped and sobbed again - Joan took her into her arms gently, easing her onto her back.  This time, there was no hesitance to her motions, no fear of rejection or of looking like a fool.  This time, it was all about Vera, for Vera.

 

"I would as well carve out my own heart with that needle as let you think I don't care for you, Vera," she said, her fingers sliding up Vera's arm and under her bra strap.  She pulled first the one, then the other, down Vera's shoulders, sending shivers down the small woman's spine.  Joan slipped her hand easily beneath Vera - who arched her back obligingly as Joan unhooked her bra in one quick motion.  "And you should know, my dear," she leaned in to kiss Vera's shoulder, "Sweet," a kiss to the protruding bone of her clavicle, "Vera..."  She slipped Vera's bra down and away, but did not look at her body - she kept their eyes locked.  "That I would die as soon as you did."

 

She held her gaze for a long time, and did not look away until a change occurred in Vera's face that seemed to indicate that she had taken that in, and understood.  Her fingers blindly reached for Vera's hips, slipped beneath her panties, and still she held her gaze.  Joan tugged Vera's underwear down and away gently, discarding them on the floor.

 

"I love you, Vera."

 

When Joan finally looked down, she was truly amazed and gasped softly in astonishment.  Vera swallowed nervously.

 

"What... what is it?" she asked, afraid Joan had found some fault in her, finally, in her small and meek body.  But Joan smiled brilliantly and looked back up at her as though she had become all the more rare and special in the last moment.

 

"You are..." she began, as she lowered herself down Vera's body, "...exquisite."

 

And with that she broke eye contact and dragged her tongue down Vera's chest, capturing one of Vera's rose-pink nipples in her mouth, eliciting an involuntary gasp and moan from the tiny woman as she arched into her touch.  

 

"Mmmph," Joan moaned, muffled against Vera's skin as she lapped and mouthed her small breast.  Vera writhed, fisting her hands in Joan's hair.  The feel of Vera's hands in her hair and the strangled, small, helpless noises that came from above her only drove Joan on, feeling her own need building with every sound, every movement, any response from Vera at all, as she caressed her body with broad, confident hands and hungrily sucked and licked this, then the other breast.  She grew almost angry that should could not take in all of Vera at once, her pace increasing, Vera's breath becoming quick, shallow, her sounds more desperate and incoherent.

 

She felt the helpless scrapping of Vera's fingers fumbling, reaching for Joan, to remove her bra.  Joan stopped roughly and all but ripped the bra off herself, and as soon as Vera gained any purchase with her panties, Joan kicked at them until they fell useless to the floor.  She pressed her full, naked body against Vera and made a sound so inhuman at the contact, that she was sure it had come from some animal inside of her.

 

"Oh Vera, my Vera," she said, deliriously, dragging her fingers down Vera's body to find the wetness between her thighs.  Joan's breath caught at just how wet Vera was - she bucked her hips into Joan's hand, threw her arms around Joan's neck and pulled her down to kiss her passionately and deeply as Joan slipped first one, then two fingers inside of her.

 

"Oh... OH," Vera gasped, arching as Joan's long, slender fingers entered her.  Joan held her steadily with one arm, watching with utter fascination as Vera threw her head back, eyes shut tightly for a moment.  Joan panted, knowing she was as wet as Vera just from  _touching_  this woman.  Oh god, she loved her, she thought - she loved her so much she might break.

 

"Mmm.. more," Vera said, almost fearfully.  Her eyes snapped open and looked at Joan, watery and unfocused like a junkie looking for a fix.  "Fu... fuck me, Joan." 

 

She could hardly stand the word coming from that pristine mouth, but in spite of herself, Joan felt her body respond to the vulgarity and she obliged by thrusting her fingers deeper into Vera - all but holding her up with two fingers, retracting them, then pushing deep inside of her again.  Vera shut her eyes with satisfaction and held herself close to Joan - Joan brushed her clit with her thumb and almost cried out at the sound it produced from Vera.  

 

"Oh, oh yes, yes," Vera murmured, drunkenly, and her small hands began to roam Joan's body, searching, diving, until finally she found the slick folds she was looking for and she gasped, wide-eyed.

 

"You're so..."  The words died in her throat, but were strewn across her surprised face.

 

"For you," Joan confirmed, and kissed Vera brutally, unable to hide her groan as Vera's small, deft fingers slipped inside of her.  Not one, but two, then  _three._  


  
_"Oh god,"_ she breathed, and Vera positively lit up at the reaction.  She pushed Joan over slightly, so they were lying facing each other.  Joan's fingers stilled inside of her, and Vera didn't care - she took advantage of Joan's surprised, prone state to push her completely on her back, and slide down her long body until, with a sudden and quiet gasp, Joan felt wet heat lap at her clit, fingers moving uncertainly but urgently inside of her.

 

"Oh god... oh god Vera, yes - please,  _please,_ " she said, arching into her touch.

 

She hadn't the  _slightest_  idea what she was begging for, but luckily Vera seemed to know quite well.  She moved her tongue lazily but hard against her, her fingers slowing to a rhythm Joan almost recognized as her own.  Vera might have been inexperienced with others or with men, but it seemed she knew her own anatomy well enough to translate it - eventually her hand and her mouth found a round, smooth and fluid duality that had Joan saying  _Lord knows what_  as she arched and writhed, torn between waves of shock at Vera's unguessed-at aptitude and almost violent pleasure.

 

"Oh god, Vera, I'm going to... Vuh...Ver...."

 

Joan's mind slipped away and abandoned her as Vera worked her from inside and out - her other hand scratched down the side of Joan's body, sending a tingling sensation all over her skin.  As she rose closer and closer, Joan tried not to fight against the pleasure, but to release into it, massaging Vera's head of soft curls as Joan rode her mouth.  She could feel it coming, filling her up like warm water, until suddenly she cried out in shock, gripping the bed sheets futilely and blindly as her eyes shut tightly of their own accord.  She came still feeling Vera's mouth moving slowly and patiently against her, drawing the orgasm out  _deliciously_.

 

Panting, completely uncomprehending of what had just happened to her, Joan floated back down onto the bed, her head tilting back with the last waves of pleasure ringing out through her body like church bells still resounding.  She shut her eyes and tried to steady her breathing, feeling Vera gently remove her fingers and wipe them on the bedcovers.  Vera climbed up Joan's body and rested, one elbow propped, to watch as the last of Joan's orgasm settled and drifted.

 

"You look so beautiful," Vera said softly, stroking Joan's face.  Joan's hand came up to capture her wrist, and the hard swallow that followed the action worried Vera.  

 

"Everything's okay, Joan," she said, sensing the tears about to come, and as she brushed back Joan's damp hair, Joan curled into her and sobbed into Vera's chest.

 

"Shh shh shh shh..." she held Joan calmly as she cried silently.  "Shh, everything is all right.  It's alright."  Joan mumbled something, "...so  _embarassed_..."  but Vera hushed her.

 

"Nothing to be ashamed of," she said.  She paused, pensive, then said, almost to herself, "It hurts to be loved after being ignored for so long."

 

Joan opened her eyes at that, looking up at Vera through tears. Vera looked back at her, unflinching. _I would know_ , her eyes said.

 

Any trace of shame faded at that look, and that knowledge.  Joan pushed herself up on her side, regarding Vera questioningly.  Vera blushed under her gaze.

 

"You won't ever have to feel that again, Vera," Joan said, with a conviction that took Vera by surprise.  There was serious commitment behind the statement, and Joan swallowed as she realized it too, but did not take back or qualify what she had said.

 

"That is, if that's what you want, Vera."  Joan rolled Vera onto her back and cradled her head in her right hand.  She looked deeply into Vera's eyes, with all her might trying to tell her with her eyes that she meant every word.  "Vera, if you will have me, I'll be as faithful as... as faithful as a dog."  She winced at how pathetic she sounded.  But Vera took her in her arms, pulling her closer, and said, "No.  Never a dog, Joan.  A lover - maybe a wife," she mused, smiling at the thought, "...but never a dog."

 

Joan's mind could not even wrap itself around that four-letter word, and so instead of properly dealing with it, she kissed Vera gently.  When she pulled back, Vera was suppressing a bright smile and stroking Joan's back slowly.

 

"About work..." she began, hesitantly, but Joan interrupted her.

 

"We'll think about that tomorrow," she said, leaving no room for argument in her tone.  Vera nodded.

 

"And now?"

 

Joan grinned broadly, mischievously.

 

"And now," she said, kissing Vera deeply,  "You're going to let me finished what you so  _rudely_  interrupted."


End file.
